So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
