I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This baby is an asshole
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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