Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
then he tried to convert me to islam
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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