I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
