please come you make the beer taste better
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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