sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
