this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
