belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
