Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
