Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
