I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
