When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
