WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
