Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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