I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
