What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
