U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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