apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so let's talk penis.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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