It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
