I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
