smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
