so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
