You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
