is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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