I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
