The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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