WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
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