There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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