so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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