if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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