Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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