Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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