Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
40s are totally the cure
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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