clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
