i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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