Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
