my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
