i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
