Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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