I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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