im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
