were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
