He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
