he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
