Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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