There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
