Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
