i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
