please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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