I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
