At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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