so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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