so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
