um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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